"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." .... Abraham Lincoln
I spent as much time yesterday as I could stomach watching the Judiciary Committee hearings regarding Supreme Court Justice nominee Brent Kavanaugh. I felt sick throughout and still feel sick, literally sick, today. I, of course, am old enough to remember the Anita Hill/Clarence Thomas hearings from 1991. It sickens and saddens me that the only progress the Senate appears to have made over the past 27 years is to hire someone (a woman, no less) to do their dirty work for them.
I've spent the past 35 years of my career teaching Interpersonal Communication. For the last 20 of those years I have also taught about Domestic Violence believing that to talk about Interpersonal Relationships without talking about intimate violence was simply not possible. The evidence is clear and frightening - the most dangerous thing a woman will ever do is get into some sort of a relationship - friend, lover, spouse - with a man.
And, the research is also clear that most intimate violence goes unreported. Why? Well, according the the research (and the number of students who have confided their own experiences to me over the years) - because women are afraid. Because they are afraid of retribution. Because they are afraid of having their reputation trashed. Because they are afraid of being looked at differently by those they know and love. Because they are afraid of damage to their careers and to their families. Because they are afraid of not being believed. Because they want to forget their trauma, not re-live it in front of a live audience so others can bear witness to their humiliation. Because of what you've just witnessed.
The contrast is vivid - hundreds of men have come forward to report sexual violence at the hands of Catholic priests from 30 years ago when they were children. No one questions their memory. No one suggests that it's just a case of mistaken identity. No one suggests that it's a giant left-wing conspiracy perpetrated on behalf of the Clintons (Seriously? Seriously?) and that it's a giant smear campaign. No. These men are believed. These MEN are believed.
Don't try to tell me that it's because it's just her - there are no other accusations. There are currently 3 accusations. But it wouldn't make a difference if there were 16 accusations - as the population has made clear in its refusal to hold President Trump accountable for not only the accusations against him but also for his own admission to this behavior on tape: "You know, I'm automatically attracted to beautiful -- I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. Just kiss. I don't even wait. And when you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab 'em by the pussy. You can do anything."
What I also find disturbing about the spectacle of this event is the discrepancy between the expectations we have about women's behavior vs. men's behavior. Brett Kavanaugh can rage and shout and scream and it's evidence of the truth of his position. If Dr. Ford had raged and shouted and screamed you can bet that it would have been evidence of the falseness of her position. The double standard here is contemptible.
Part of that is the result of the past 250 years in our country's history where men were the standard and everything women do is judged by that standard. I am convinced that what we are seeing is the absolute conviction many men have that power should be theirs. And that anything that needs to be done to keep that power is fair game.
Supreme Court Justice nominations have probably always been politicized. I understand that and am willing to acknowledge "that's the game" and it goes both ways. I certainly agree that the Democrats should have moved on this weeks ago - not waited until now. I won't argue that and I'm sure that was a political (and contemptible) decision. But the timing of when to move on this issue does not impact the facts of the case. She took a polygraph test. He didn't. But 'she must be mistaken' and we can simply believe what he claims becuase he claims it. Because, as we all know, men never lie. Perhaps even more disturbing is the reality that clearly, for many, the point isn't even that they don't believe the accusations. It's that they don't care.
Over the past dozen or so years I have become more and more convinced that the Republican party - AS WE SEE IT TODAY -- needs to go. It is no longer about governing. It is no longer about the public good. It is no longer about a moral or ethical stance. It is about POWER. Mitch McConnell refused for months to bring Merrick Garland's (a known moderate) nomination to the committee for a vote. Why? Because of power.
I understand that the abortion issue is, for many people, a moral and ethical one and the driving force behind their position on any Supreme Court candidate would be if that person MIGHT be counted on to overturn Roe v. Wade. I don't argue that. And I am not a 'fan' of abortion and I have never met a single person who is. But for many men this issue isn't about morality - it's about power. It's about the power that women have to control their own bodies. It's about the power that women have to make their own decisions. It's about the rights that women are demanding to have their bodies and their choices respected. I believe with conviction that IF MEN COULD GET PREGNANT abortion would be a sacrament. There would be no question at all about whether or not men could end a pregnancy if they didn't want it to continue. That would become the standard.
Those of you who know me know that I am not some rabid, man-hating, see-offense-behind-every- comment person. I don't believe that ALL men are as I've described. I know many, many decent men so I know for a fact they aren't. Additionally, I have discussed with many friends the current time we are in and expressed the importance of due process when anyone is accused of something like this. I've tried, throughout the time I've written this blog, to limit my political comments. But this time I simply can't keep quiet. If we refuse to believe this woman, and instead choose to believe this man, we are complicit in perpetrating this type of behavior. And it's wrong.
